Red Team

            Sarge the leader of Red Team in Blood Gulch

Sarge's Bio


  • Status: Alive
Sarge is the staff sergeant[1] and leader of the Blood Gulch Red Team for the majority of the series. He is voiced by Matt Hullum, co-creator of the series, and first appeared at the end of Episode One. A military man with a Southern United States accent, Sarge exhibits more discipline than the other Reds (and most of the Blues, for that matter), but is also somewhat sociopathic, bloodthirsty, and the only Blood Gulch soldier on either team actually serious about the war. He seems to despise Grif. Sarge's actual name is never revealed; he is always called "Sarge".

All of Sarge's best Quotes

  • How bout a tasty lead sandwich with a side of sarge! (shoots Grif in the head) Hold the life. And the mayo.
  • Calling Dr. Sarge M.D. Diagnosis: death. Perscription: SHOTGUN!
  • (Shoots Tucker in the head) Dr. Sarge says take two barrels of this shotgun and call me when your dead! Ring, ring. Hello? Is it you? Yup, your dead.
  • "Thats exactly it, private. The war's over. We won. Turns out your the BIG hero. We're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float. And Simmons here, is IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"
  • The Blues never sleep! They're too busy plotting to destroy our way of life. That's how you can always spot a Blue, Donut. They're always conniving and scheming. Sometimes they do both! I call that...Schenniving!
  • Bluetard.
  • Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
  • Grif doesn't know what he's talking about? Stop the fucking presses.
  • Will you put that in a memo entitled "Shit I already know"!
  • TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE...No it's gotta be today...For our ancestors! [Rushes into battle]
  • Son did you just shoot yourself in the foot?
  • [Regarding the Warthog gattling gun] I think I could've taken him.
  • Sorrowful sounds! Pleas for forgiveness!
  • Great sodium chloride! There goes my chemistry set!
  • That's right, Blue! We've called in the cavalry! As we speak the glorious Red Command is sending a ship to aid us. No doubt it's a battle cruiser of the highest magnitude! It's time to end this thing once and for all!
  • But I was so young and violent.
  • Hey! Your circular holyness!
  • Oh, I'm just so depressed. I can't even threaten your life for being such a jackass...Jackass...I'll kill you.
  • (regarding Lopez' love song to Sheila) That sounds like the feral cry of a retarded Mexican sasquatch.
  • Didn't I just tell you to stop makin up animals?!
  • [In warthog and in the air; Mexican Rancheo music playing] Yeeeeee hawww!..... [Hit the ground] I told you not to take jumps bigger than my yee haws!
  • (Grif)Did that order come from command? (Sarge) In fact it did and it also told my foot to report up your ass on the double!
  • What is this a rememberance or a roast?
  • TODAY IS A GOOD DAY FOR YOU TO DIE! "[Referring to Grif]"
  • Chupathingy / Chupababy
  • Sweet jibbling jibblets!!
  • What in Sam Hell?
  • Lazers and robots... robots... and lazers... Okay! We've got it! We want you to... demote Grif.
  • You're on Grif's what?
  • Today seems like a good day to teleport!
Sarge: [Afer giving up his weapons to Agent Washington] Son, you can insult me, you can ambush me, you can even take away my weapon. But if you think I'm gonna set one pinky toe inside blue base without my must not know who you're dealing with...:Agent Washington: I said move. :Sarge: And I said...shotgun... :Agent Washington: Yes...I have your shotgun... :Sarge: No, I mean SHOT-GUN :Agent Washington: What is this? You think I'm just going to give you your shotgun because you asked? :Sarge: I said, SHOTGUN! [Turning to building wall, reffering to Grif off-screen] ... shotgun damnmit!

  • Agent Wash, you just got- [Fires shotgun at pile of explosives by Washington, blows up] Ah, damnmit! I messed up my one-liner!
  • "Hey, will you hold these bullets for me? IN YOUR GUT!" Grif- "Ow... I can see my spine..."
  • A Priest, A rabbi, and Grif all walk into a bar, AND I KILL 'EM!
  • I hope you brought your wallet... 'cause the rent in Hell gets paid in advance!
  • Hey Blue! How you like them apples? And by apples, I mean bullets! In your face! How you like them pears? Guess what I mean by pears?
-teabag- Deez nuts...

  • My favorite part was the part when you died. Encore! Bravo.
  • What about those robot nuts?
  • Son of a Ben and Jerry! Now how am I going to finish all this ice cream we found?